I'm Shy.

Ok, (stop laughing) and I get alot of my mates saying, 'Yeah, right!', and they continue laughing. Then they would go, 'You?! Shy?' and the laughter continues, louder this time.

But I am really shy. Yes, I may have been what I was in secondary school, loud, vocal, never hesitate to talk, outspoken. It is true that I would have something to say, and you would never fail to hear from me if these are issues about youths, local/international life defining politics and youth policies. These are things that I am passionate for and I won't hesitate to talk to a stranger about it.

I did speeches in secondary school, met the who's who locally (the likes like the DPM, MPs, Supt. of Schools and the list goes on). I suppose it was role conformity. I had to do it. Who else?! Perhaps I got used to it, and less shy about this as time passed.

I can't small talk. For one person who meets many people, I can't small talk about about the weather, what's good in the movies, how who and who was dressing the other day. Small talk to many of us (*winks at Fiz*) is idle-talk. It takes its toll on us.

I hate small talk. Its one thing that I am a totall goner at. Somehow I become very conscious that it remains small, (means) that I cannot bring the other party into something more intense, some ideology. Something which I have a burning desire at the tip of my tongue, waiting to be shared.

If you want me to go up to someone and chat with him/ her, a total stranger, my mind would go bust. I cannot seem to find the correct words, connecting sentences and I go into a disarray. I end up entirely self-conscious, my grammer sounds wierd, my vocabulary ends up limited and I mess up. So much for first impressions.

Thus, I totally shut up, and not embarrass anyone. Imagine me stuttering and trying so hard to get us talking? And its not moving...me asking you how was your day twice?

Then I get labeled. Snobbish, stuck up, unfriendly (erm..you can continue on it..) ya, were used. For me, it is a balance between a verbal diarrhoea on issues that you won't have a clue on, or a mental constipation over what shall we chat about after this sentence.

My friend, Donny, says its chemistry, a compatibility of 2 people to become friends, then there's a commonness to communicate well. I told Don that its more to it than that to become friends. Its way more than just meeting at events and social gathering for a strong friendship to develop. Let us work/share together, that's where friendship grows, our shared circumstances, through a togetherness brings 2 (or more) people closer.

So, more convinced that I am shy now? Serious, I was, and still am. One of the many façades you might have problem believing.